Questions Answered in Book 1

Relationships - What are the essential elements of good relationships?

Family - What is good advice for all members of the younger generation?

Self-Help - In what ways can self-discipline help change your life?

Advice - What are the prerequisites for a human being? Can you encourage luck?

Writing - What do you need to know about writing and publishing a book?

Traveling - How do you tent, or travel with a family?

Humor - What role does humor play in our lives?

Speech Communication - Does success in life relate to communication skills?

Society - To whom should we give thanks?

Leadership - How does strategic flexibility contribute to effective leadership?

Education - What are the keys to college success?

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Table of Contents

Relationships

1 Essential elements of good relationships

2 It’s not easy hanging on to a Valentine

3 Forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are ...full essay

Family

4 Good, memorable advice from a father and grandfather to a younger generation ...excerpt

5 Having supper together creates a bond,a family unit, and a time that can be cherished forever

6 Feudin’, fussin’, and fightin’ at family festivals requires a successful conflict-resolution strategy

Self-Help

7 Vilfredo Pareto’s 80-20 rule and how it can help you run your life

8 Self-discipline can change your life in anyway you want it to

9 The key to quality, productivity, and happiness in your life is self-discipline ...full essay

10 Popcorn has both a personal and a world history

11 Effective decision making puts you in charge of your life and follows a step-by-step pattern

12 Live life to the fullest, seize every minute of it, and never give that minute back until there is nothing left of it

13 Signs of a meaningful life: It’s always a work in progress

14 Be careful how much you depend on self-help information

Advice

15 Prerequisites for being a human being: How do you measure up?

16 A personal code of ethics is what establishes a framework for responsible behavior

17 Wisdom affirms our ability and responsibility

18 “And then some” is a value-added approach to the good life

19 A casual approach to life: What are its effects, and what can we do?

20 Luck: Can you encourage it? Can you live without it?

21 Personal transformation can make you master of your destiny ...excerpt

22 To act in spite of your fears is a genuine act of courage

Writing

23 So you want to write a book? ...full essay

24 Getting your book published depends on how much effort you want to expend

Travel

25 Mapping, meeting, and cataloguing: The importance of the Lewis & Clark Expedition should never be forgotten

26 The Lewis and Clark Trail: Travel the trail; live the history

27 Things we learned when following the Lewis and Clark Trail

28 Traveling 32 days in a fifth wheel

29 It all began in a tent

30 “Fifth wheelin’ it”: The new form of “camping”

31 Traveling and camping with our family develops traits important to self-sufficiency and getting along well with others

32 Cruising: A wonderful travel alternative ...full essay

even for non-cruise types

Humor

33 No joke: He who laughs, lasts ...excerpt   ...full essay

34 The Internet has the potential of making everyone a jokester

Speech Communication

35 Evaluating the pols’ rhetoric

36 When the pols talk, really LISTEN!

37 Free speech is not always nice or morally sound speech ...excerpt

38 Success depends on good communication skills

39 The Internet has a direct effect on communication

Society

40 Distrust, apathy are some reasons so few vote, but all should

41 Giving abundant thanks for our abundant harvest

42 Our language must be saved

Leadership

43 Leadership is not a bag of tricks—It depends on values, vision, and communication ...excerpt

44 Strategic flexibility means expanding your stock or repertoire of leadership behaviors

Education

45 The bottom line to getting a college education is simply that the long-term benefits far outweigh the costs

46 Eight good reasons why Johnny should read ...excerpt

47 The Internet could force down the high cost of college textbooks

48 Students must learn keys to college success ...excerpt

49 Great teaching is more than great speaking

50 Ideal students use speech communication skills to reveal their substance ...excerpt

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From Chapter 4, "Good memorable advice from a father and grandfather to a younger generation"

Realize that the teacher is in you. There is no situation devoid of information, ideas, or knowledge that can be useful or valuable to you and your growth. You are not dependent on others to learn. It is what you bring to situations that makes the difference in how much, how well, and how often you learn.

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From: Chapter 21, "Personal transformation can make you master of your destiny"

What are the benefits of personal transformation? It can bring deep and lasting advantages to your life. It will open your mind to new ideas, challenges, and solutions. It will cause you to think differently and to be creative. You may gain peace-of-mind, more enjoyment of life in general—including family and community—contentment with what you have, and the satisfaction of meeting your needs. Your life may begin to make more sense as you gain personal clarity and greater perspective. You are likely to become more patient, tolerant, kind, and loving. The world will seem to be full of possibilities, and you will possess a strong sense of rediscovered meaning.

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From Chapter 33, "No joke: He who laughs, lasts"

Humor gives you immediate results, takes no special talent or ability, and requires no physical prowess or skill. It’s fun, fat-free, and you don’t need batteries. Somebody once said, “I think God has a sense of humor.” “Why in the world would you say that?” asked a friend. “Of course he does. Think about it. He made people like you and me.” And there was Mary Pettibone Poole, who said, “He who laughs, lasts.”

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From Chapter 37, "Free speech is not always nice or morally sound speech"

The best protection we have for our right to free expression lies in the people themselves. It lies in our belief that people are smart, that people can think for themselves, that people are responsible for their own actions, and that people do not need to be fed morally safe, politically correct messages at all times. James Russell Lowell (1819-1891), American poet, critic, and editor, wrote in The Vision of Sir Launfal in 1848: And I honor the man who is willing to sink Half his present repute for the freedom to think, And, when he has thought, be his cause strong or weak, will risk the other half for the freedom to speak.

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From Chapter 43, "Leadership is not a bag of tricks: It depends on values, vision, and communication"

Vision is difficult to cultivate. It comes, for example, from a strong belief that things don’t have to be this way. It comes from a vague desire to do something that will challenge yourself and others. It comes from a sense of determination. It forces you to clarify what it is that you really want to do. With a vision, you get a sense of what you want your target to look like, feel like, and be like when you and others have completed the journey. Having a vision affects your attitude, your optimism, and your beliefs. Your beliefs will sustain you through difficult times. Vision requires both commitment and endurance, and when you have a vision you don’t see difficulties in every opportunity but, rather, opportunities in every difficulty.

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From Chapter 46, "Eight good reasons why Johnny should read"

Sesame Street now remains but a mere shadow—if a shadow at all—of what has occurred and is occurring with the intrusion of technology into our lives. The dependency now on lively, vigorous, interactive computer games, abbreviated and incisive e-mails, quick, responsive instant messaging, compressed, highly intensive text messaging, powerful, spirited animated features, potent, passionate, arousing music videos, and high-intensity, thrilling action movies create in viewers/listeners the instant, intense gratification they seek—the very anathema of the silent, patient, serious, critical, and thoughtful approach that reading requires. It’s “technology infusion.”

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From Chapter 48, "Students must learn keys to college success"

Learning to study effectively requires more than simply spending more time studying. If you really want success, then the four Cs of commitment, control, concentration, and challenge will help you. There are many things that you cannot do anything about, but if you learn to be disciplined by setting clear goals, developing workable plans, and carefully scheduling and protecting your time, the discipline necessary for success will come.

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From Chapter 50,  "Ideal students use speech-communication skills to reveal their substance"

One of the essential elements that separates good students from poor (if there really is such a thing as a poor student) is enjoyment. Learning should be fun. It was Sydney J. Harris who said “The primary purpose of a liberal education is to make one’s mind a pleasant place in which to spend one’s leisure.” Bertrand Russell said “The main thing needed to make men happy is intelligence . . . and it can be fostered by education.”

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Chapter 3 ~ Relationships - Forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you are

A young lady in my interpersonal communication class asked for my advice about trying to find out who her real father was. She felt betrayed by him from childhood when she learned she was adopted, and she wanted to find out who could deceive, desert, and disappoint at such an intense and personal level. I remember my advice to her as if it were yesterday.

I told her that I thought it would be best for her to go forward with her life, not spend her time in what could be a fruitless and, potentially disappointing, search. I told her, too, that she needed to forgive her father to help free her from the negative baggage of anxiety, distress, and anger that she has carried for so many years. Finally, I said, you know, forgiving is not forgetting. It is, instead, having the courage, understanding, and maturity of knowing when to let go. (Whether or not she took my advice I’ll never know.)

It was Lewis B. Smedes who said, “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner was you.”

I’m sure you know people who nurse grudges and keep track of every slight. Persistent unforgiveness is part of human nature. To forgive goes against a natural human tendency to seek revenge and the redress of justice.

The problem with unforgiveness is in the number of ways it works against our well being. Because of this, it is the subject of one of the hottest fields of research in clinical psychology. Before 1999, a search of the literature found only 50 studies even remotely related to the subject; now there are more than 4,500 published studies, and it has its own foundation—A Campaign for Forgiveness Research—where scientists are studying the way forgiveness works in individuals and among families and nations. One study, for example, is entitled “The Role of Forgiveness in Divorce Prevention,” while another is called “The Study of Forgiveness with Victims and Offenders.”

There are mental, physical, and spiritual difficulties that unforgiveness has the potential of causing. Regarding mental health, Frederic Luskin, in Stanford Medicine (Vol. 16, Number 4, Summer 1999), reports that when the research over the past 10 years is taken together, “the work so far demonstrates the power of forgiveness to heal emotional wounds.”

“What is intriguing about this research,” Luskin continues, “is that even people who are not depressed or particularly anxious can obtain the improved emotional and psychological functioning that comes from learning to forgive. This suggests that forgiveness may enable people who are functioning adequately to feel even better.”

Think of each of us as viewing the world through a very tiny, self-created lens. Negative thoughts can have a direct effect on how we construct and maintain that lens, especially if the negative thoughts have grown into a poison. By keeping negative thoughts with regard to someone, you are in fact ensuring that your body receives a regular supply of the poisons associated with those negative thoughts—since every thought results in the production of chemicals in the brain.

If the supply of poisons associated with those negative thoughts continues long enough, the effects will manifest themselves at the physical level. Unforgiveness is like carrying a live coal in your heart—far more damaging to yourself than to others.

Physically, research suggests that forgiveness reduces the stress of the state of unforgiveness. The poisons referred to above include a potent mixture of the chemicals associated with bitterness, anger, hostility, hatred, resentment, and the fear of being hurt or humiliated.

These, of course, have specific physiologic consequences such as increased blood pressure and hormonal changes that are linked to cardiovascular disease, immune suppression and, possibly, impaired neurological function and memory. Everett Worthington, executive director of A Campaign for Forgiveness Research, states that “Every time you feel unforgiveness, you are more likely to develop a health problem.”

“One study of students,” reported by Herb Denenberg in an online article entitled “The Importance of Forgiveness in Preventing Disease and Preserving Health” (Nov. 22, 2005), “found that even focusing on a personal grudge drove up blood pressure. When the same students imagined they had forgiven the grudge, blood pressure levels returned to normal.”

Studies from the Mayo Clinic found that where forgiveness is taught, emotional and physical well-being improved. Another study found that the less forgiving had more health problems.

The International Forgiveness Institute recommends a four-phase plan for achieving forgiveness. First, recognize the situation and acknowledge your pain. Second, commit yourself to forgiveness. Third, find a new way to think about the person who hurt you, perhaps employing meditation or prayer. Fourth, start to realize the relief brought about by forgiveness.

The four steps underscore what Dr. Edward M. Hallowell, a Harvard psychiatrist, writes in his book, Dare to Forgive. He writes that forgiveness is a choice, that it is a process, that it has to be cultivated, and because it goes against a natural human tendency to seek revenge and the redress of injustice, that it may require the help of friends, a therapist, or prayer.

And this leads to the spiritual difficulties of unforgiveness. The power and importance of forgiveness is central to every religion.

When you forgive, there are no seeds of an unforgiving spirit planted in your heart. When you respond with unforgiveness, then you have a seed in your heart that slowly but surely develops into a root of bitterness. These roots can spread through your whole spiritual being and infect your entire spiritual life. In Hebrews 12:15 (NASB) it says, “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled.”

Bernard Meltzer said, “When you forgive, you in no way change the past, but you sure do change the future.” Forgiveness forces you to grow beyond what you were.

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Chapter 9 ~ Self Help - The key to quality, productivity, and happiness in your life is self-discipline

“The Last Lecture Series” at Bowling Green State University gives those who are asked to speak an opportunity to offer listeners what they would consider to be their most important message—the speech they would give if it were their last lecture.

I chose the topic of self-discipline. Why? Because it is important in any endeavor of life. It is best defined as the ability to regulate one’s conduct by principle and sound judgment, rather than by impulse, desire, or social custom. The ability of individuals to self-manage their actions is proportional to the level of success and happiness likely to be experienced in their lifetime. Self discipline is a vital characteristic of successful people. Plato, the Greek philosopher, said “The first and best victory is to conquer self.”

Why would anyone want to do it? Because self-discipline can boost your self-confidence and esteem, strengthen your determination because you know you can succeed and change, assist your ability to see projects through, encourage you to focus on your goals, enable you to stay in control of yourself and your reactions to situations, eliminate eating disorders, smoking, and health problems caused by excesses, and, finally, change your life in any way you want to. Aristotle said “We are what we repeatedly do, excellence then is not an act, but a habit.”

There are seven keys to developing self-discipline.

The first key is attitude. William James said “The greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.” Look at your life, then look at how you would like your life to be. Establish a positive attitude that will allow you to set goals, develop a realistic means for moving toward those goals, and, too, create a way to reward yourself for success. The question is, how badly do you want to develop self-discipline?

The second key is time management. Virginia Satir said “Life is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.” Michael Argyle of Oxford University said, “For unhappy people, time is unfilled, open, and uncommitted; they postpone things and are inefficient.” Our society makes time management difficult because of the distractions and temptations placed in front of us. Think about video games, cell phones, the Internet, and television. The question is, how badly do you really want to re-focus your attention and commitment?

The third key to developing self-discipline is capitalize on your skills. When you’re working outside your skill zone it is easy to be unhappy, disenchanted, and depressed. Within your skill zone, you are happy, challenged, and optimistic.

When I was looking for a university to study for my Ph.D., I heard about a professor who had a well-known reputation for being a tough, no-nonsense, hard-hitting, graduate adviser who taught his students to write well. I was looking for someone to help me build needed skills, reinforce important abilities, and strengthen critical knowledge. Dr. Robert Gunderson, at Indiana University, became my adviser, mentor, director of my dissertation, and helped me capitalize on my skills.

The fourth key is to work hard. In a world of instant gratification where people think they can become rock stars “overnight,” gain outrageous wealth by winning the lottery, or develop fortunes from entering sweepstakes or gambling, there is a mental expectation of success by luck. The Los Angeles Times published a report on a five-year study of 120 of America’s top artists, athletes, and scholars. Benjamin Bloom, professor of education at the University of Chicago, concluded that the key element common to all of these successful people was not talent but an extraordinary drive and determination.

The fifth key to developing self-discipline is take good care of yourself. Repeated studies show that people are more self-confident, unstressed, and in better spirits, if they are physically fit. People who are committed to quality, productivity, and happiness reserve time for sleep and solitude. They are a renewing experience. Dr. William Dement, director of Stanford University’s Sleep Disorders Center, states that there are few behaviors that are as self-destructive as continued lack of sleep. It can result in fatigue, diminished alertness, failure, and depression.

The sixth key is to make time for relationships. Those people who can name several close, supportive friends—friends with whom they can freely share their ups and downs—live with greater health and happiness. If you are in a relationship, resolve to nurture it; don’t take your partner for granted; affirm him or her; play together and share together; and show your partner the sort of kindness that you display to others.

The seventh key that can bring quality, productivity, and happiness is spirituality. Did you know that there are research studies that show that actively religious people are much less likely to become delinquent, abuse drugs and alcohol, divorce, or commit suicide? They are also physically healthier. Those who say their spirituality is a major influence on their life, too, are twice as likely as those who are low in spirituality to declare themselves "very happy."

Self-discipline involves getting things done through yourself. It requires that you stand back and look on yourself as a bundle of resources out of which you want to get the highest possible return. You need to organize, manage, and motivate yourself as if you were your own employee. To become rich, happy, healthy, and fulfilled beyond your wildest imagination may mean pushing yourself to do what you don’t feel like doing, don’t want to do, or are tired of doing. It means facing boredom, repetition, possibly physical, mental, and emotional barriers, and even re-allocating your time and energy to maintaining the discipline even when you may not want to. But, it is out of that kind of dedication and commitment that comes high quality, distinguished productivity, and exuberant happiness.

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Chapter 23 ~ Writing - So you want to write a book?

The age-old adage that “everyone has at least one good book in them,” is as true today as when first stated. With the Internet, not only are more writers online, there are Web sites for writers, and writing markets that accept queries and submissions by e-mail. There is gold lurking in the Internet hills that is just waiting to be mined, and hundreds of authors have bypassed traditional editorial channels of print publishing to mine that gold. Makes writing that book even more tempting.

But writing is more than having an Internet connection, marketing your book, or making the big bucks. Sure, a book will help establish you as an expert, create confidence in your ideas, attract readers to your other services, provide a marketing tool, make a great gift, offer you a platform to expose your mind and heart, and, of course, supply an income stream. As attractive as these benefits are, they overlook the task of the writing itself. A major oversight.

As a writer for over thirty years, let me offer a short test to see if you have what it takes to be a writer. The ideas here are presented in no particular order, and I am certain there would be as many suggestions as there are writers to make them.

My first concern is: Do you have the time? Writing is an enormously time-intensive process, and depending on the topic, size of the book, or approach you plan to take, you need to have time set aside for writing. Dabbling here and there reflects a lack of serious commitment and is unlikely to produce the product you desire.

Do words come easily, naturally, and comfortably? Words form the thread on which you string your experiences. When you don’t have to struggle finding words, the job of writing is easier. You are not expected, of course, to possess all the words you need. Next to me as I write is a dictionary and writer’s thesaurus. Across the room lies an unabridged dictionary, and I have the invaluable, absolutely essential, 85-page book, The Elements of Style by Strunk and White.

Can you truly immerse yourself in your writing? It is easy to get sucked up into the universe of writing (a black hole from which ideas and words come with no trumpet voluntary), but when the flow begins, you need to be there as the channel or conduit. This, indeed, is when the prizes are distributed, the bonuses gets paid in full, and the trophies are awarded.

Do you have other available sources to consult for ideas, help gain clarity and precision, determine the accuracy of your ideas, and assist in sustaining your enthusiasm and motivation?

Do you know how to start? Some will tell you, “Just sit down at your computer, and begin writing.” I say, “Nonsense.” You waste valuable time that way. If you don’t know where you’re going, how will you know when you get there? To write in a clear style, you must first be clear in your thoughts. Get organized; seek direction; establish an outline. When you write with purpose, you make good use of your time. When you write with purpose you have a clear starting point and the direction needed to proceed.

Can you stand being isolated and alone? You need time to think, deliberate, and ponder. Writing is a relationship between your ideas, the words you use to express those ideas, and your computer, where those ideas take shape and reveal form.

Do you agonize over writing, toil with proper grammar, struggle with sentence structure, battle vagueness, and grapple with punctuation? If so, writing will be torture, and the anguish you feel at the keyboard will drive you away in pain and suffering. When it comes easily, not only do ideas flow, but capturing ideas when they flow becomes gratifying, amusing, and enjoyable. It’s play not work.

On-the-other-hand, I have never let grammar, sentence structure, vagueness, or punctuation hinder the flow of ideas. I would rather capture the products of my imagination when they are fresh, active, and alive. Spend time correcting grammar, repairing misspellings, and polishing words at a later time.

Let nothing stand in the way of “flow.”

Do you know what you want to say, but you just can’t put it into written form without losing clarity and impact? Imagine that your computer is another person, and simply begin a conversation. Writing that truly reveals who you are comes from your heart without artifice or contrivance. The secret of style is to have something to say, and say it as clearly as you can. When it comes easily, your heart will be encased in the words you select like precious stones in a ring.

Can you write with the goal of sharing your ideas, insights, and knowledge with others? Never write with the goal of making big bucks or becoming famous. Write with the goal of enlightening, instructing, illuminating, or entertaining, for it is how others see, absorb, understand, enjoy, and (perhaps) use your ideas, insights, and knowledge that determines your effectiveness.

Can you remain focused and complete your project? As you write, do not worry about getting your information formatted or the marketing of your book. Sometimes it is as difficult to finish what you have started as it is to start it in the first place.

Once the formatting, submitting of the manuscript, and marketing processes begin, your mind will be so encumbered with ideas that have little or nothing to do with the content of what you have written, that you will be distracted, diverted, sidetracked, and, thus, pulled away from your essential task like a young bird leaving its nest. Remaining focused throughout a project will help keep the content consistent, coherent, and clear. There is less need, then, for you to retrace developmental steps, reread previous passages, or get back into the mood of what you were writing. Resurrecting a state of mind now passed is like trying to undunk a donut.

Having completed the writing, there is information in excess to inform you of succeeding steps—the preparation of a prospectus and the examination of your publication options. The hardest part is the writing, and only when the writing is complete can you have a book.

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Chapter 32 ~ Travel - Cruising: A wonderful travel alternative even for non-cruise types

My wife and I are not “cruise types,” so the decision to embark on one did not come easily or quickly. Our impression of “cruise types” included social people who like to smoke, drink, gamble, play bingo, eat a lot, and be pampered and entertained in a large-scale city environment, and there is no doubt that cruise companies cater to these proclivities.

But we decided to try it anyway on a three-day Eastern Caribbean cruise on Princess—the Grand Princess (one of their largest ships) no less. That experience characterizes much of what we have experienced on each of our three successive cruises to the Panama Canal and the Western Caribbean, to the Southern Caribbean (out of Jacksonville, Florida, on Celebrity Cruise Lines, for two weeks), and to Bermuda on Celebrity for 7 days. Our experience is not unique. Not only do cruise vacations boast the highest satisfaction ratings among all types of vacation travel, but once people try cruising, they come back again and again.

Some of what we have discovered may help others make the decision to cruise or not to cruise. Of course, many have already discovered it with 12 million people spending $13 billion a year on cruise vacations (USA Today, July 8, 2005, p. 2D), a fact that makes cruising one of the fastest-growing segments of the tourism market. Although more than 90 million people worldwide cruised over the past two decades, about 85 percent of U.S. adults have never cruised according to Corey Sandler, Econoguide Cruises 2005 (Globe Pequot, 2005).

We have easy explanations for the growth. These ships have extensive facilities and programs for families and children of all ages. There are a highly structured array of activities and passenger participation events every day. On the ships we have traveled, there are large entertainment venues with lavish production shows.

These advantages are great for those seeking this kind of experience. For us, however—who are, I might add, regular travelers (using other means such as travel trailers and a fifth wheel)—it is the standard of service that we get on these cruises. It is the high quality shore excursions. It is the safety of this form of transportation. It is getting to know our table mates so well that we have maintained contact with some of them long after the cruise ended. But even more important is the relaxation, escape, and excitement—without the hassles. In addition, it is the freedom we have to do as much or as little as we want. We enjoy unpacking one time only for our days at sea, and we have never objected to being pampered.

The pampering never ends. My wife pushed her chair into the table when she finished her lunch, and the maitre d’ told her not to, that there were people to do that. I picked up a knife to hand to our waiter as he cleared the table at the conclusion of one of four courses, and he said “No,” that he was there to take care of that. The fruit, canapes, and hors d’oeuvres, delivered to our room were more than we could eat, but we did not complain. Afternoon tea with all the canapes you can eat, servicing by a large and efficient wait staff, and serenading by extraordinary musicians and singers were unforgettable opportunities.

The issue of safety is an important one. There are careful inspections of luggage and all carry-on articles. The screening procedures are similar to those found at airports—the use of metal detectors, the requirement of showing photo identification and embarking and disembarking only after passing through security and having ship identification clear the screening machines. Once a cruise ship is underway, only documented employees and fare-paying passengers are onboard. A cruise ship is comparable to a secure building with a 24-hour security guard, and according to FBI statistics, sailing on a cruise ship is safer than being virtually anywhere in the U.S. in terms of crimes of any type.

The cruise experience is exactly what you choose to make it. It’s a little like students choosing where they want to go to college. They can select a large school with many students, and with that choice get a vast array of opportunities including majors, athletic possibilities, theater and entertainment options, and even choices of where to live. Or, they can select a small school with few students, and with that choice get fewer options but, potentially, an increase in individualized attention.

In much the same way, we make our cruises special. We dine with just one or two other couples; we get to know our wait staff on a personal basis; we choose our excursions carefully to get close to nature and wildlife or achieve the “big picture” of a location; we seek out educational opportunities; and we delight in finding quiet, relaxed places to read or write in solitude.

It is true that all four ships we have sailed have formal and casual sit-down dinner nights, but even these can be avoided. We would prefer no suit and tie, no jewelry or cocktail dresses; however, we have become accustomed to them, and one survey of our table mates suggested they did not mind dressing-up for dinners. Dressing up to go out dancing or to attend a concert is much the same as going out for an evening on the mainland.

Every cruise has its “cruise types.” Chalk it up to people relaxing, having fun, and exercising their inhibitions. We have discovered there is so much to enjoy, so many choices available, and so much relaxing fun, that cruising has become a wonderful travel alternative even for non-cruise types such as ourselves.

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Chapter 33 ~ Humor - No Joke: He who laughs, lasts*

Arnie had a good job in an orange-juice factory, but he got canned. He just couldn’t concentrate.

That certainly isn’t the funniest joke in the world. Dr. Richard Wiseman, of the University of Hertfordshire, based on a scientific experiment designed to discover the world’s funniest joke, claims the following holds the title:

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other man pulls out his cell phone and calls emergency services.

He gasps to the operator: “My friend is dead! What can I do?” The operator in a calm, soothing voice replies: “Take it easy. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead.”

There is a silence, then a shot is heard.

Back on the phone, the hunter says, “Okay, now what?”

Humor is all around us. If you read e-mails, look at bulletin boards, listen carefully to what others say, and just observe life and nature, you will see or hear it.

Steve Allen once noted that “Nothing is quite as funny as the unintended humor of reality.” Look, for example, at this advertisement: Dog for Sale—Eats Anything—Loves Children.

Humor has many advantages.

The first is that it can be used to brighten the environment. Jokes can turn a world that is often gloomy and dismal into a somewhat more enjoyable place. You have undoubtedly seen a humorous church sign: “Forbidden fruit creates many jams.” “Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.” “Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons—come hear one.”

Another advantage of humor is to relieve stress.

The United Nations International Labor Organization issued a report that states, “Stress has become one of the most serious health issues of our times.”

One night at dinner, after coming home from a recent operation, and during an argument, Adam said to his wife that he asked his doctor, “I have to admit I’m feeling much better since my operation, but I can’t figure out why I got this big bump on my head.”

“Oh that!” Adam claimed the doctor said, “In the middle of your operation we suddenly ran out of ether.” Adam and his wife both laughed, and the stress created by their argument dissipated.

The Chairman of the Board of Directors of a Chicago charity called the monthly meeting to order. “I have a stressful order of business,” he announced. “We’re looking for a treasurer.”

“But we appointed a treasurer just six months ago,” said a member.

“Yes,” replied the Chairman. “That’s the treasurer we’re looking for.”

Mark H. McCormick, author of What They Don’t Teach You At Harvard Business School, writes that “Laughter is the most potent, constructive force for diffusing business tension.”

In his wonderful book How To Be Funny On Purpose: Creating and Consuming Humor, Dr. Edgar E. Willis says that “One reason humor should be an element in every household is that children love it. In addition to relieving stress,” he says, “it stretches children’s minds, helps them develop a sophisticated and balanced outlook, and starts them on the road to maturity.”

Even the simplest “knock-knock jokes” can create waves of laughter: “Knock, knock.” “Who’s there?” “Olive.” “Olive who?” “Olive you.”

Yet another advantage of humor is that it makes for better employees.

Companies often keep bulletin boards posted with cartoons and funny sayings. A joke from one bulletin board reads: “A pleasure boat with eleven executives on it was caught in a storm and all eleven were tossed into the sea. A rescue helicopter came about an hour later and because of the intensity of the storm could only drop one line before having to leave. The ten men and one woman grabbed the line and held on. The pilot shouted down: ‘The line can only support ten. One of you will have to let go.’ The woman said: ‘I will let go because I always have given into men, my father, my boss, my husband. I have always been self-sacrificing.’ The ten men immediately clapped for her and.........”

Studies have found that humor sharpens employee thinking, increases productivity, helps to resolve conflicts, enhances bonding among fellow workers, makes communication easier, and increases effectiveness and overall job satisfaction.

Another advantage of humor is that it makes life bearable.

A young woman was recovering from chemotherapy. She said her hair was starting to come back, but it was just soft fuzz. To accentuate her new hair, she dyed it red—a big mistake, she said. She had a difficult time rinsing it out, so she covered it with blond coloring. An even bigger mistake. The red and the blond produced orange.

So, she decided to shave off her new soft fuzz that she was so proud of, and begin again. She laughed at her predicament, because it was so ridiculous.

Bill Cosby said, “You can turn painful situations around through laughter. If you can find humor in anything —even poverty—you can survive it.”

Have you ever noticed how much laughing there is at funerals? Funeral humor is a natural and healing release from the pain caused by death.

A young woman looking into the open casket of a musician friend, saw that his flute had been placed at an angle on his chest. “He gave orders,” said a member of the family moving over and whispering in her ear, “that when he died it was to be buried with him. (pause) What were you thinking?,” the family member asked.

“Oh,” said the young woman, “I thought it a blessing he didn’t play the piano.”

Humor gives you immediate results, takes no special talent or ability, and requires no physical prowess or skill. It’s fun, fat-free, and you don’t need batteries.

Somebody once said, “I think God has a sense of humor.”

“Why in the world would you say that?” asked a friend.

“Of course he does. Think about it. He made people like you and me.”

And there was Mary Pettibone Poole, who said, “He who laughs, lasts.”

* As published in The (Toledo) Blade on April 9, 2005.

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